Tag Archives: cancer

Can You Feel Anything When I Do This?

Despite 26 years as a genetic counselor, people are often a mystery to me. Here I present a vignette that explores my inner thoughts and insecurities that can arise during a counseling session. It is drawn from no one specific patient. It may not be real but it is true.

***

“Have your doctors told you much about what I do or why genetic testing may be helpful?”

 

Playing her emotions close to the vest, eyes unreadable, a near-smile frozen on the face. She looks like she is posing for a photo she doesn’t really want to be in. Mastectomy, lots of chemotherapy; this isn’t going to be a walk in the park. She’s got to be feeling something.

***

What does she do for a living? Corporate VP with an international finance company. I wouldn’t understand her job even if she explained it to me. Every week she probably makes multi-million dollar decisions without so much as a second thought. But cancer is one situation you can’t control with a spreadsheet. Is it too early to reach into my bag of counseling tricks? Emotions are a tight rope. Wrong step at the wrong time, and the session goes into free-fall, with no safety net below. Maybe she thinks this is a waste of her time and just wants to get her blood drawn and get on with it already. Or maybe all those specialists scared the bejeezuz out of her, with their slick clinical lingo and impressive statistics. I sound just like them with my talk of oophorectomy and cancer risks. Who can grasp the real meaning of a lifetime risk anyway? Maybe I need to switch gears.

“You’ve met with lots of specialists this week. I bet you’ve heard more information than you bargained for.”

Well, she stopped taking notes. Maybe I can work her family into that opening.

“Have you shared any of this information with your daughters?”

A solitary tear, held in place by sheer will. Okay, now where do I go with this?

 

Short pause, then she replies “Tell me again the chance of this cancer coming back.”

She stopped that tear dead in its duct. She’s more comfortable when I play Medical Expert. Not quite ready to let the emotions spill over the dam, but it’s a start. I can play along with being The Great Authority for a while. She could be sizing me up to see if I am smart enough to earn her confidence and respect; nothing wrong with that.

***

“You know, you’re going to live, and probably for a long time. It will be rough going for a while, but you will come out the other side. You have good doctors and a great family. And I am guessing that you are tougher than your cancer.”

A hint of a smile, then a long pause. She’s struggling with this, not quite sure what to make of it. I hope I didn’t blow it.

 

“Will my insurance company cover the test? I forgot to call and check.”

That fell flat. I may as well just go along with answering her questions. Maybe it allows her some sense of control.

***

60 minutes, session over, and I am still unable to figure her out or if I did much good for her. She pauses at the door, and half turns to face me, tears starting to undo the make-up.

 

“Thank you,” she says quietly, ”You were very kind.”

Then she is gone.

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